My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
