Pregnant stripper...not hot.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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