Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
