the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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