How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
