The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
