living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
