i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
