So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
