seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
