thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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