Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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