I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
