I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
