Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
