So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
