there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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