my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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