You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
