Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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