He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
