mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
