my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
