totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
