I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Boobs are out for the taking
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
