It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
