quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Randomize
