well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need to align my fucking chakras
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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