How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
