so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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