Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
