Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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