well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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