Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
