I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
