Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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