So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
