Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
