one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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