I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
