i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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