Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
