Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
