I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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