This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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