So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
