I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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