out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
