the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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