i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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