Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
whose parrot is this?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
