I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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