My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
