I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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