Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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