6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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