I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
