It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
