I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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