I can tuck mytits in my pants
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
