Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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