Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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