at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
