He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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