when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
